Ass seen on TV

Bot wait, there’s more. Twitter deal in peril to distract the public from the fact (allegedly) Elon Musk engaged in a 3-way!

Daze of Our Lives

Will the COVID-19 pandemic end? Will climate change burn the planet? Tune into the next episode tomorrow and the next day and the day after that…

Tender

Introducing Tender, the latest sausage party disguised as a dating app. Available now in all app stores under different names.

Nairbnb

The only vacation rental app that also covers all your depiliatory needs for your sagging scrotum. Available in all app stores not on your phone.

Happy TikTaco Tuesday

Dolly Parton, Doja Cat to star in Taco Bell’s Mexican Pizza musical (usatoday.com) Parton’s goddaughter, Miley Cyrus, will also make a guest appearance to promote her latest easy listening duet with Doja Cat, “Marijuanaville.”

Breaking News

Politico just discovered Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito is shilling for Mommie Dearest: The Joan Crawford Adoption Agency. When reached for comment beyond the grave, Joan Crawford responded, “No more wire hangers!”

Walt Whiticism Of The Day

“At least I’m not Disney.”