Introducing Kleptokurrency

The latest in cryptocurrency brought to you by the Kardashians and Jenners.

Netflix News

In a last ditch Hail Mary to acquire and retain subscribers, Netflix unveiled its newest service, Binge, a dating app for the “Netflix and Chill” crowd. Netflix’s proprietary algorithms will recommend personalized programming and other subscribers that are DTF after watching similar programming. Subscriptions start at $99.99 per month.

Scientific Discovery

Scientists at Kraft University discovered a new subatomic particle today named “crouton.” The subatomic particle crushses all expectations as it simutaneously possesses positive, neutral, and negative charge. The purpose of the subatomic particle is still under investigation, but scientists speculate the crouton provides balance and harmony to the overall atomic structure.