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Dognitive Dissonance

Definition: the state of having inconsistent dogs, beliefs, and attitudes especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attutude change among your dogs.

Annie Woo-Mann Atelier and Ready To Wear Spring Summer 2023 Collections

Women’s Wear Daily recently interviewed Annie Woo-Mann, an up and coming designer from NEwear, about her debut Atelier and Ready To Wear Collections for Spring/Summer 2023. Upon reflection, Woo-Mann mused, “The collections draw inspiration on frivolity and frolic. True luxury in fashion, as well as life, is just not giving a fuck and doing whatever…

Maybe It’s Bold Inside

I really can’t strayMaybe, it’s bold insideI’ve got to go this wayMaybe, it’s bold insideThis meaning has beenHoping that inspiration pops inSo, very preciseI’ll carry out my plans, they’re just like advice

Pantone-A F

Introducing Panetone-A F, the first ever collaboration between Pantone and Amarena Fabbri. The 2024 Pantone Color of the Year will be known when customers cut their first slice of Amarena Fabbri Panettone in December 2024.

Asslighting

Definition: manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own vanity or powers of reasoning when it comes to anal bleaching.

Breaking News

Elon Musk revealed to be FSB Agent, Ilya Muscovite. He is currently in FBI custody awaiting arraignment.

Delinquent Bill

His inability to pay me back is downright criminal. Rich better have my money.

Milennial parents name daughter, Catatonia.

Parents Josh and Jess stunned to learn Catatonia is a symptom of schizophrenia. “We always loved the names Catalina and Antonia so we thought we would combine them into a new name. We had absolutely no idea.” said mother Jess.

Fumble

Introducing the latest dating app for your post-divorce, post-NFL life. Tom Brady approved!

Bodies: The Expedition (Royal Edition)

The most exciting World Tour we’ve ever known, the transport of Queen Elizabeth II’s body. Groupies threw flowers, Paddington Bears, and Marmalade sandwiches while the Commonwealth demanded that the monarchy return its usurped wealth. Dailymail reports Kanye West will make a hologram of Queen Elizabeth II to address the world at her funeral.

RIP HMTQ E2

Grimes and Elon Musk reveal the name of their newest child, RIP HMTQ E2. They plan to call the child “Hmm” for short. Just kidding (of course). Rest in peace, Queen Elizabeth II. Annie Woo-Mann salutes you for dedicating your life to service.

Introducing Kim Karkashgrab

The latest in celebrity Ponzi schemes (based on my opinion only and not on Annie or any actual facts) brought to you to by Kim Kardashian.

Kenny G Talks Saxuality

Kenny G came out as an oboesexual in an interview with Oprah Winfrey today. He told Oprah, “I played being good at Sax for the longest time, but it’s not me. It’s time for me to admit to the world I love oboes and women with their own places.”

Blood In The Streets: Layoff Edition

Introducing the latest in tone deaf video games in the aftermath of Uvalde. Players will face opponents such as Sundar Pichai, Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, and many more as they fight for their jobs as well as their lives. Players will be armed with automatic machine guns because well this is America and can unlock…

Basil Smell, Car’s Aroma

Your car’s aroma, whatever it is, drives me crazy. It starts out benign and then progresses into full blown assault on all my body, like skin cancer.

In celebrity news…

Demi Lovato reveals they/them are no longer the pronouns Demi uses. Co-opting marginalized groups for publicity/Attention Whoring are Demi’s preferred pronouns.

OkStupid

Introducing the latest dating app for people looking to meet their future spouse.

The Heirquarians

Blessed are the Heirquarians, for they shall inherit the mess Blessed are those who strive for the greater good, for God will help them Blessed are the weirdos, for they shall inspire us all Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied

Breaking News

Politico released a draft opinion piece written by Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas to overturn Loving v. Virginia. Experts speculate he is neither feeling loving nor Virginia and would rather invalidate his marriage and countless others rather than divorce his Karen and pay her alimony. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas had no comment when asked…

Spanxsy

Banksy’s lesser known sibling. Rumor has it Spanxsy is super tight with Sara Blakely.

I’m Annie Woo-Mann

https://youtu.be/H7_sqdkaAfo Whatever we want, whatever we needAnything we want done baby, we’ll do it spectacularly’Cause I’m Annie Woo-MannIt’s all in we, it’s all in we I’m Annie Woo-MannIt’s all in weAnything we want done babyWe do it spectacularly I’m Annie Woo-MannIt’s all in weI can fight the good fight right nowEvery one from A to…

Gangus Schwanz

The latest night club for current and aspiring absentee fathers. Spinning the latest in broken house music all night long.

Annieism of the Day

“There are thousands of girls out there who could be doing my job.” – Yasmeen Ghauri, Superannie of the Day

My Corona

I have a knack for bad puns and living that Illionaire life. I don’t always get sick, but when I do, I use it as an opportunity to parody slogans. Dos Equis: 0, Corona: 1. Don’t stay thirsty my friends. Drink plenty of fluids, stay home, and rest.

Join my colt…

at the Annie Woo-Mann Writing Academy. You can lead a force to fodder so you can’t make it think.

Drizzyland

Introducing Drizzyland, the first bemusement park to open on Antarctica. Take a Nonstop ride on Drake Passage to get there. Fulfill all your Wants and Needs today!

Smokke and Mirrors

Introducing, Smokke and Mirrors, the latest unironic product launch from Kim Kardashian. Smoke and mirrors not included.

Wedding announcement

I, Annie Woo-Mann, am getting married to N.E. Won. We are so in love with being in love. We plan to elope in Las Vegas so that we can continue to make other questionable decisions.

Today in Celebrity News

The rock band, Smashing Pumpkins, has partnerned with GE Healthcare to develop a mammography machine of the same name. Smashing Pumpkins will play “Today” while the patient is being examined to distract her from the fact that her breasts are being smashed. A spokesperson for the band hopes the machine will save lives and increase…

In the next season of The Handmaid’s Tale…

Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, West Virginia, and Wyoming.

Trigger Warning

The 2nd Amendment, the United States’ protection and retirement plan all in one! Gun control and Social Security? Pfft… Gun intended. Puns not guns. National Suicide Pevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255

Incum Streams

Introducing Incum Streams, the latest class taught at the Annie Woo-Mann Academy. Students will learn Simp/Incel Psychology, OnlyFans Content Strategy, and the Art of the Finesse. Sign up today!

How to bag Elon Musk

Dye your hair blonde if it isn’t naturally blondeBe a willowy white womanRead Ayn Rand’s books like your life depends on itTrauma bond over childhood woundsTell him how much you “like” horses

Dear Annie

I caught my spouse cheating on me with my lover. Can I have revenge sex with both of them? – Furious in Florida

Narcissism

Introducing the latest in benefits. Sign up you and your codependents today!

KinkedIn

Introducing KinkedIn, the only prosexual networking app for consenting adults. Available in all app stores under different names, such as Tinder.

Humble

Introducing Humble, the latest dating app that only matches you with Kendrick Lamar. Available on all app stores not on your phone.

Latest from Annie

I’m Annie Woo-Mann (not my government name of course) and it’s all in me. My project is to create a community of female creators, comedians, and collaborators because I love collectives, camaraderie, and letter “C” alliterations. As my last name implies, I woo men and welcome all regardless of gender identity and gender expression. This is an all-inclusive place (minus the free booze) for you to have fun. If this sounds good to you, please subscribe and contact me at Annie@AnnieWooMannProject.com.

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Ass seen on TV

Bot wait, there’s more. Twitter deal in peril to distract the public from the fact (allegedly) Elon Musk engaged in a 3-way!

Daze of Our Lives

Will the COVID-19 pandemic end? Will climate change burn the planet? Tune into the next episode tomorrow and the next day and the day after that…

Tender

Introducing Tender, the latest sausage party disguised as a dating app. Available now in all app stores under different names.

Nairbnb

The only vacation rental app that also covers all your depiliatory needs for your sagging scrotum. Available in all app stores not on your phone.

Happy TikTaco Tuesday

Dolly Parton, Doja Cat to star in Taco Bell’s Mexican Pizza musical (usatoday.com) Parton’s goddaughter, Miley Cyrus, will also make a guest appearance to promote her latest easy listening duet with Doja Cat, “Marijuanaville.”