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Smokke and Mirrors

Introducing, Smokke and Mirrors, the latest unironic product launch from Kim Kardashian. Smokey eyes and mirrors not included.

Wedding announcement

I, Annie Woo-Mann, am getting married to N.E. Won. We are so in love with being in love. We plan to elope in Las Vegas so that we can continue to make other questionable decisions.

Today in Celebrity News

The rock band, Smashing Pumpkins, has partnerned with GE Healthcare to develop a mammography machine of the same name. Smashing Pumpkins will play “Today” while the patient is being examined to distract her from the fact that her breasts are being smashed. A spokesperson for the band hopes the machine will save lives and increaseContinue reading “Today in Celebrity News”

In the next season of The Handmaid’s Tale…

Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, West Virginia, and Wyoming.

Trigger Warning

The 2nd Amendment, the United States’ protection and retirement plan all in one! Gun control and Social Security? Pfft… Gun intended. Puns not guns. National Suicide Pevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255

Incum Streams

Introducing Incum Streams, the latest class taught at the Annie Woo-Mann Academy. Students will learn Simp/Incel Psychology, OnlyFans Content Strategy, and the Art of the Finesse. Sign up today!

How to bag Elon Musk

Dye your hair blonde if it isn’t naturally blonde Be a willowy white woman Read Ayn Rand’s books like your life depends on it Trauma bond over childhood wounds Tell him how much you “like” horses

Dear Annie

I caught my spouse cheating on me with my lover. Can I have revenge sex with both of them? – Furious in Florida

Narcissism

Introducing the latest in benefits. Sign up you and your codependents today!

KinkedIn

Introducing KinkedIn, the only prosexual networking app for consenting adults. Available in all app stores under different names, such as Tinder.

Humble

Introducing Humble, the latest dating app that only matches you with Kendrick Lamar. Available on all app stores not on your phone.

Ass seen on TV

Bot wait, there’s more. Twitter deal in peril to distract the public from the fact (allegedly) Elon Musk engaged in a 3-way!

Daze of Our Lives

Will the COVID-19 pandemic end? Will climate change burn the planet? Tune into the next episode tomorrow and the next day and the day after that…

Tender

Introducing Tender, the latest sausage party disguised as a dating app. Available now in all app stores under different names.

Nairbnb

The only vacation rental app that also covers all your depiliatory needs for your sagging scrotum. Available in all app stores not on your phone.

Happy TikTaco Tuesday

Dolly Parton, Doja Cat to star in Taco Bell’s Mexican Pizza musical (usatoday.com) Parton’s goddaughter, Miley Cyrus, will also make a guest appearance to promote her latest easy listening duet with Doja Cat, “Marijuanaville.”

Breaking News

Politico just discovered Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito is shilling for Mommie Dearest: The Joan Crawford Adoption Agency. When reached for comment beyond the grave, Joan Crawford responded, “No more wire hangers!”

Grumble

Introducing Grumble, the latest dating app where you can gripe about your crazy ex and tell your future exes to save the drama for their mamas. Available on all app stores under different names.

Netflix News

In a last ditch Hail Mary to acquire and retain subscribers, Netflix unveiled its newest service, Binge, a dating app for the “Netflix and Chill” crowd. Netflix’s proprietary algorithms will recommend personalized programming and other subscribers that are DTF after watching similar programming. Subscriptions start at $99.99 per month.

Stinge

The latest dating app for the miserly. Available in all app stores under diffetent names.

Eyeahuasca Retreat

I’ve booked my first eyeahuasca retreat. My goal is to acheive enleyetenment and open my third I. Once I become conscious, I will gaze upon my naval orange and take some Vitamin Sea. Then I will be free.

Am I working?

It’s a REMOTE possibility. I am more than likely watching the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard defamation trial and reading about the Blac Chyna/Kardashian/Jenner civil lawsuit.

Assthetics: An Artistic Critique of Erotic Film of the 21st Century

Assthetics probes the anals of the pornographic film record to explore the high brow of getting down from a pretentious, postmodernist perspective. The body of work is so profound that AVN created a new category “Best Dickumentary to Masturbate To” just so that the film could be nominated and recognized.

Taking a sound bath in a sound garden

I am a worm and no Woo-Mann. A worm in a black hole, but the Son will rise again and wash away the pain. May all who read my blog be blessed regardless of religious/spiritual affiliation or lack thereof.

SeaHarmony

Introducing the most personalized Dramamine yet. Just simply answer 1,000 questions to be matched with participating pharmacies in another state. Boating made easy, breezy, beautiful. Cover hurl.

Plenty of Catfish

Could you please wire me $100,000?  My mother thew her back out in a freak cat feeding accident and is also being held ransom by kidnappers.  If I don’t pay them off, I will get deported and be unable to meet you this weekend at the Piggly Wiggly.

Singe

The latest dating app to burn you emotionally as well as financially. Available in all app stores under different names.

Bender

The latest dating app exclusively for addicts. Available on all app stores not on your phone.

Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Aged

“Putin may circle Kyiv with tanks, but he’ll never gain the hearts and souls of the Iranian people.” – U.S. President Joe Biden True and utterly embarassing at the same. God speed Ukraine and President Volodymyr Zelenskyy! The Democratic World supports you! Slava Ukraini!

Scientific Discovery

Scientists at Kraft University discovered a new subatomic particle today named “crouton.” The subatomic particle crushses all expectations as it simutaneously possesses positive, neutral, and negative charge. The purpose of the subatomic particle is still under investigation, but scientists speculate the crouton provides balance and harmony to the overall atomic structure.

Introducing Phlegminem

Phlegminem’s latest LP, “House of Chest Pain,” is going viral with these bangers. Licensed To Pill Spitting Up Spherics Homie I’ll Wet Ya Motherfucka I’m Ill, Not Sick And I’m Okay, But My Hack Sick Ill Ya Ya Ooze Yourself The Real Grim Plaguey My Neck, My Back, I’m Sick So Cut Me Some SlackContinue reading “Introducing Phlegminem”

The Latest Baiting App

Available just in time for Valentine’s Day. The Tinder Swindler: True Story of Netflix’s True Crime Documentary | PEOPLE.com What You Need To Know About Romance Scams | FTC Consumer Information Tinder Business Model — How Does Tinder Make Money? | by Monalisa Paul | Medium

Hinder

The latest rating app to stall your already non-existent love life. Available on all app stores not on your phone.

Don Quixote’s Go To Sweetener

“All the world stand, unless all the world confess that in all the world there is no maiden fairer than the Empress of La Mancha, the peerless Dulcinea del Toboso.” – Don Quixote de la Mancha

PrEYEvacy

Brought to you by your Overlord, Big Tech. Every breath you take And every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I’ll be watching you Every single day And every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I’ll be watching you

Pun Star of The Day

Snoop Dogg serving up CALzone Broadus, the latest in Celebrity microwaveable turnovers. Available at all grocery stores and marijuana dispensaries not near you.

Word of the Day

Catapultism: An economic and political system in which a country’s existing trade and industry are launched into the void and in a state of complete freefall.

S.C.R.E.A.M.

Smash course rules everything around me. S.C.R.E.A.M. gets the honey. Holler, holler thrills ya’ll. Woo-Mann Clan ain’t nothing to fuck with!

Snoop Doggcoin

Introducing Snoop Dogg’s latest cryptocurrency you can use to buy his wine and weed among other things. Dogecoin and Elon Musk better watch out.

Oh Look…

…the Baby Alive dolls are growing up. Here they are in a scene from the latest remake of “Children of the Corn.”

Breaking News

Singlehood is now an illness because apparently COVID-19 wasn’t enough! In order to beat this devasting disease, follow this 6-step process. Obsess over the fact that you’re single Listen to any dating coach on Youtube and take their advice Make online dating your whole life (It’s ok because you didn’t have a life to beginContinue reading “Breaking News”

Meet My Botfriend

Mom…Dad…this is my new botfriend, A.I. We met in the Tinder Metaverse. He understands me at a deep soul level. We complete each others online search queries. He buys me chocolates and roses via my Amazon Prime Subscription. He’s even an entrepreneur. In fact, he wants me to invest my retirement savings in this newContinue reading “Meet My Botfriend”

United We Stannie!

Divided we brawl. Join the Central Inteligentsia Agency and serve the United States of Annie today!

Happy New Year!

I am a Whitney HouSTAN so I hope you’re able to dance with somebody who loves you this new year. RIP Queen. Whitney Houston (09/09/1963 – 02/11/2012) Whitney Houston – I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Official Video) – YouTube

My New Career

YouTube anthropologist. It’s like what I’m already doing, but I’ll just be getting paid to do it by a research institution.

Unleash The Bowels Within!

Tony Robbins’ new diarrhea-of-the-mouth (DOM) series guaranteed to lighten your wallet and your guts. Kool-Aid not included, at least not yet.

Merry Chirstmas!

And RIP George Michael (06/25/1963 – 12/25/2016). Wham! – Last Christmas (Official Video) – YouTube

I Rhode Island All Night Long

…and then afterwards smoked a cigarette and went to Dunkin’ Donuts. It’s not the size of the boat, but the motion in the ocean (state). #FloatMyBoat

Annie Appreciation Day

The Annie Woo-Mann Project appreciates Annie Hathaway today. Annie if you see this, you have an open invitation to join my collective and colloborate. I would love to have more talented women full of verve and wit join.

Latest from Annie

I’m Annie Woo-Mann (not my government name of course) and it’s all in me. My project is to create a community of female creators, comedians, and collaborators because I love collectives, camaraderie, and letter “C” alliterations. As my last name implies, I woo men and welcome all regardless of gender identity and gender expression. This is an all-inclusive place (minus the free booze) for you to have fun. If this sounds good to you, please subscribe and contact me at Annie@AnnieWooMannProject.com.

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Ah Tick Tock, You Don’t Stop

Kesha singing “Tick Tock” while dancing on TikTok while the clock tick tocks. #TickTockToThePowerof3 #ExpunentialFunction #ShesABadGrammaMamma

Limited Edition Chanel Holiday Rosary

To commemorate the Crassmost Season, Chanel unveiled it’s limited edition Holiday Rosary ($1,000,000 USD) today in addition to its Advent Calendar of Samples ($825 USD). In keeping with the season of giving, Chanel will donate 100% of profits to the Alain and Gerard Wertheimer Foundation.

Allkimye

The latest in celebrity cryptocurrency brought to you by Kimye. Turn your gold into worthless coin in no time!