Breaking News

Politico just discovered Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito is shilling for Mommie Dearest: The Joan Crawford Adoption Agency. When reached for comment beyond the grave, Joan Crawford responded, “No more wire hangers!”

Walt Whiticism Of The Day

“At least I’m not Disney.”

Word of the Day

Catapultism: An economic and political system in which a country’s existing trade and industry are launched into the void and in a state of complete freefall.

Breaking News

Singlehood is now an illness because apparently COVID-19 wasn’t enough! In order to beat this devasting disease, follow this 6-step process. Obsess over the fact that you’re single Listen to any dating coach on Youtube and take their advice Make online dating your whole life (It’s ok because you didn’t have a life to beginContinue reading “Breaking News”

Unleash The Bowels Within!

Tony Robbins’ new diarrhea-of-the-mouth (DOM) series guaranteed to lighten your wallet and your guts. Kool-Aid not included, at least not yet.

Limited Edition Chanel Holiday Rosary

To commemorate the Crassmost Season, Chanel unveiled it’s limited edition Holiday Rosary ($1,000,000 USD) today in addition to its Advent Calendar of Samples ($825 USD). In keeping with the season of giving, Chanel will donate 100% of profits to the Alain and Gerard Wertheimer Foundation.

A Bug’s Life

I neva meta a more invasive infestation as this. Time to call the Terminator. I mean exterminator.

Dystopia

Afghan baby girl sold for $500 by starving family – BBC News Donate: Support Children in Afghanistan | UNICEF USA

Introducing Chedda

Meta’s latest cheese to hack your biology and PHI for profit.

All my problems are solved

Good bye stress? Check. Laser focus? Check. Daily energy? Check. Undeniable beauty? Check. Heavenly hair? Check. Glowing skin? Check. Unfortunately “Good bye climate change,” “Peace on Earth,” and “Justice” were all out of stock so I guess I’ll have to wait on those.