Ass seen on TV

Bot wait, there’s more. Twitter deal in peril to distract the public from the fact (allegedly) Elon Musk engaged in a 3-way!

Tender

Introducing Tender, the latest sausage party disguised as a dating app. Available now in all app stores under different names.

Nairbnb

The only vacation rental app that also covers all your depiliatory needs for your sagging scrotum. Available in all app stores not on your phone.

Breaking News

Politico just discovered Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito is shilling for Mommie Dearest: The Joan Crawford Adoption Agency. When reached for comment beyond the grave, Joan Crawford responded, “No more wire hangers!”

Walt Whiticism Of The Day

“At least I’m not Disney.”

Dougs are Brad

Don’t do Dougs. Do coke. Just not the new formula.

Commercial Jiggle of the Day: Episode 2

Maybe she’s porn with it. Maybe it’s Vulvaline. Vulvaline gets you greased up and ready to go.