Breaking News

Politico released a draft opinion piece written by Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas to overturn Loving v. Virginia. Experts speculate he is neither feeling loving nor Virginia and would rather invalidate his marriage and countless others rather than divorce his Karen and pay her alimony. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas had no comment when askedContinue reading “Breaking News”

My Corona

I have a knack for bad puns and living that Illionaire life. I don’t always get sick, but when I do, I use it as an opportunity to parody slogans. Dos Equis: 0, Corona: 1. Don’t stay thirsty my friends. Drink plenty of fluids, stay home, and rest.

Nairbnb

The only vacation rental app that also covers all your depiliatory needs for your sagging scrotum. Available in all app stores not on your phone.

Balancing your Fentanyl and Mescaline Energies

The latest course from the Annie Woo-Mann Academy that will restore pharmacy to your life.

Netflix News

In a last ditch Hail Mary to acquire and retain subscribers, Netflix unveiled its newest service, Binge, a dating app for the “Netflix and Chill” crowd. Netflix’s proprietary algorithms will recommend personalized programming and other subscribers that are DTF after watching similar programming. Subscriptions start at $99.99 per month.

Assthetics: An Artistic Critique of Erotic Film of the 21st Century

Assthetics probes the anals of the pornographic film record to explore the high brow of getting down from a pretentious, postmodernist perspective. The body of work is so profound that AVN created a new category “Best Dickumentary to Masturbate To” just so that the film could be nominated and recognized.

SeaHarmony

Introducing the most personalized Dramamine yet. Just simply answer 1,000 questions to be matched with participating pharmacies in another state. Boating made easy, breezy, beautiful. Cover hurl.

Singe

The latest dating app to burn you emotionally as well as financially. Available in all app stores under different names.