Breaking News

Elon Musk revealed to be FSB Agent, Ilya Muscovite. He is currently in FBI custody awaiting arraignment.

Milennial parents name daughter, Catatonia.

Parents Josh and Jess stunned to learn Catatonia is a symptom of schizophrenia. “We always loved the names Catalina and Antonia so we thought we would combine them into a new name. We had absolutely no idea.” said mother Jess.

It ain’t the heat, it’s the hostility…

The news gives me annierhythms so I had stop reading and watching. Ignoramus on abyss!

Happy TikTaco Tuesday

Dolly Parton, Doja Cat to star in Taco Bell’s Mexican Pizza musical (usatoday.com) Parton’s goddaughter, Miley Cyrus, will also make a guest appearance to promote her latest easy listening duet with Doja Cat, “Marijuanaville.”

Netflix News

In a last ditch Hail Mary to acquire and retain subscribers, Netflix unveiled its newest service, Binge, a dating app for the “Netflix and Chill” crowd. Netflix’s proprietary algorithms will recommend personalized programming and other subscribers that are DTF after watching similar programming. Subscriptions start at $99.99 per month.

Scientific Discovery

Scientists at Kraft University discovered a new subatomic particle today named “crouton.” The subatomic particle crushses all expectations as it simutaneously possesses positive, neutral, and negative charge. The purpose of the subatomic particle is still under investigation, but scientists speculate the crouton provides balance and harmony to the overall atomic structure.